If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
