Porn is love you can see.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
