went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
