After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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