I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
