i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
