My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
