What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
