do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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