He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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