I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
