The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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