What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
