i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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