i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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