Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
