We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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