i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
