I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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