My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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