Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Fuck appropriateness.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
