I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
