Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
