he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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