Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
