I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
