you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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