Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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