I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
