True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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