I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
