I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
