Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
