She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
