My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
