i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
