Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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