9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
