I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
