i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
