I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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