the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
