i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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