Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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