Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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