My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
