My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
