my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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