ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
