You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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